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1st Half 2012: Male/Female Challenges 1) Bible-Believing Bonding

I will be starting a continual post with certain heading so that I can add shorter comments on these topics.  I will continue writing the longer form of post when the opportunity presents itself, but I thought, this format will be worth it, and my post will be more often.

Before I offered an opportunity with the Internet for many men to get together discussing common issues we face, especially since we are called to be the leaders in our household.  With the added pressures of our work in leadership positions which focuses on results--or just to keep our jobs--with the world's values that does not support hard work and being accountable for their actions, we, men need all the resources, encouragement and mentors that we can muster.  I haven't noticed the adaptability of believers who want to use the tools of binding like-minded believers together, to reach out to others, as edifying as sharing common circumstances as men.  We have Facebook, and we also have Evernote.  I have recommended this computer and mobile application.  Not only can it sync up but you can update your notes on your computer and/or mobile phone.  There is a share notes option for it.  So, I still don't understand why we don't use technology to build bridges of common Bible-believing bonding.

With an important topic as our destiny in eternity, why wouldn't more men get involved in a project like this?  If you are interested, please contact me.  The invested time will be worth it.

---March 30, 2012 12:30pm

Spiritual Conflict standing up for Marriages

No one argues the fact that we are all in support of a stable family, one that is strong and a contributor of society.  Yet, we struggle to really make that happen.  In the wedding I attended this past weekend, I heard two main themes that can help to keep a marriage going, rather simple at that: Focus on God; and work on the marriage.  Why is it so hard to be obedient to those callings?  There is no doubt that there is pride in believing that we know what's best for our lives, and because our nature is naturally inclined not to be obedient to the goodness of God.  I know that there are many times that this happens, and that I need to work more on my marriage.  Our marriages are the foundation of our society.

I thought about this while writing this.  As important as this subject is, there is not many support networks, on blogs, on Facebook, or any other social medias.  The opportunity is there to offer the support and dialogue needed for especially believers who cannot make the trip to church, even though that part of the believers growth is required.  It would seem to be very valuable for society, too!  But why don't we use it for this purpose? 

I wonder if so many of our behaviors are determined by our environment.  On many occasions, I know that I am influenced by politics, which I know that my wife can't stand.  Yesterday, I drove a couple of hours to attend another Franklin Covey workshop.  It's always refreshing to attend one of those, the 5 choice World Tour.  But as my wife would say there has to be some application to what I learned.  I will have more to write about the workshop soon.

There is truth to this passage: 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 -- ⁷ Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! ⁸ Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. ⁹ And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ¹⁰ Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

In the sermon on Sunday, I listened that through trials and tribulations we get to know God's grace and strength in a unique way.  

Everything that we do is for eternity, not for this life on earth.  It's not a thought that is natural from 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 --  ¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, ¹⁸ while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

These are the conclusions that I am taking away from this past weekend:

• Document all the times that God has come through for you.  Even the small moments when you pray not to get into trouble and you don't.  How many times have you not gotten into trouble?  I have pointed out countless times, and those are only the times that I have documented it.  How about the many other times that I haven't and he has protected me and/or blessed me?
• Support, encourage and spend time with friends who have some redeeming characteristics that you would like to possess in your life.  If we don't encourage the people who are doing something that we admire, it will just keep the ones around who make life harder to live with.
• Telling the truth will always be better than what is the "political" best!  It goes to one's integrity.  Once lost, it's hard to get it back!

I conclude behind this week's message is to not exalt myself, appreciate everything that God has done for me--and think about those blessings He has done for you--and always be true to yourself, because it's all about being real for all eternity!  For men, it is even more important because so much of our families lie in the balance of society.  It's the rubber-meets-the-road leadership our homes need!

Role of men in a marriage from C-O-U-P-L-E

I watched the DVD, Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs.  Then, I purchased the book, and the workbook from Amazon’s Kindle bookstore.  I am doing the workbook here and there to see what else I can apply personally one-on-one with my Sunshine.  I have already outlined from the male point of view what I mean by this C-O-U-P-L-E in a previous blog post.  This is what I am challenged to put into action.  In the letters representing the letters of C-O-U-P-L-E--Closeness, Openness, and Understanding--Understanding connects the two previous letters: "The husband is the Christ figure; the woman is the church figure. And as a church places its burden on Christ, a wife wants to place her burdens on her husband," according to what Emerson Eggerichs wrote. 

The basis of this statement was from Ephesians 5:25.  Men have an awesome calling according to our God.  I wish that more men would really understand the magnitude of what’s written.  I am considering what I need to do to live up to this.  I thought about two questions to ask myself:

• What actions must I take to demonstrate this particular thought that is Biblical?  I ask myself.  Do any men have any suggestions?

• When we, as men are trying to make amends to our wives, what works best to demonstrate to our wives that we are really sorry for hurting them?  Does anyone have any advice?

Inside-out C.O.U.P.L.E. storyline of revealing the man I really am!

There has been many times in my life that I have sensed that I am at a crossroad.  There are times that I don’t understand why things happen as they do.  I am realizing that the storyline that has been working in the last year or so has been about revealing the man/individual who I am right now, the changes that I need to make to be the man I envisioned for so long, but haven’t acted upon the behaviors and/or performances needed to reach that vision.  Pray with me that I can listen to His word, and my heart, who listens to His Spirit.

I’ve enjoyed politics, and the dynamics of it.  Because of that, I realize that sometimes we can fall into the trap of doing stuff just because it sounds good, just like a politician.  I know that I have committed those standards in the past.  It’s been my stubborn nature that has been so dominant.

I realize that I’m writing this on April 1^st, April Fool’s Day.  Maybe it takes a day like this to realize what changes I need to make.   With all the behaviors in my life, I realize that it’s all about what I need to do, and what actions I have influence upon throughout my daily tasks needed to be accomplished, especially, at home.  Lately, the many hours at work haven’t helped, but it was necessary for the company.

I was offered to watch a video conference of the male/female differences by Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs.  I learned a lot of perspectives which I have not treated my Sunshine the way that shows that I am obedience and reverence to God.  There are so many changes in my behavior that needs to happen.  I need to live by the acronym, C.O.U.P.L.E..  

This is what the acronym stands for:

• CLOSENESS. When You Want to be with her FACE-TO-FACE. Genesis 2:24

• OPENNESS. When you aren't secretly MAD at her. Colossians 3:19

• UNDERSTANDING. When you EMPATHIZE with her. 1 Peter 3:7

• PEACEMAKING. When you RESOLVE/RECONCILE with her. Matthew 19:5-6; 1 Corinthians 7:3-4.

• LOYALTY. When you are completely COMMITTED to her.

• ESTEEM. When you TREASURE her above all else. 1 Peter 3:7

It’s not what she needs to do, but what I need to do.  Has anyone watched this video, or attended the conference in person?  I pray that I can make the changes needed, as I pray for more married couples do the same.  Let me say that if anyone wants to really know what kind of man you are—I am—just get married.  But in the long run, it’ll all be for the glory and honor of what it means to have that personal relationship with Christ.

What would be your Romantic Valentine’s Day? Share to stimulate ideas…

I thought it would be interesting and helpful if I post an area where people can post their suggestions on their best Valentine’s Day moment(s).  To not embarrass anyone, I will offer that it could actually happened, or it would be a wished upon day’s event.  I thought that it’ll give others an opportunity to share ideas of what to do—especially for us, men—for this special romantic day.  Let’s bind together, men, to make a better day for our loved ones.  Or women, give us some suggestions.

If I had a chance I would like to take my Sunshine on Valentine’s Day to Disneyland in California to Sleeping Beauty’s castle on a partly sunny cool day (not sunny because my Sunshine doesn’t like a bright blue sky day, and I don’t like an overcast day), and have a dinner at the Melting Pot, because it would be all about my Sunshine.  If I come up with any other ideas, I will share them.

What has been or would be your romantic Valentine’s Day?  What has helped you get the best impact of a romantic day?

Smarter than I …

It’s my vision that one day my Sunshine will be as free to express herself as I am.  I know that she’ll have more interesting stuff to share because there is no doubt that she is smarter than I am.  It would be more interesting to know what a woman’s point of view is, rather than just my own male STUBBORN point of view.  I had a vision to have a continual public dialogue with her on my blog.  And as she wrote on her blog I would comment on hers.  It’s too bad that she’s a little shy!  LOL ... Maybe you all can encourage and inspire her!

No NASCAR, adjustments of holidays and after with different cultures to deal with …

Yesterday was one of those days to reflect and think about all the stuff I need to do in the next month or so.  This is the first Christmas season with what I learned from the Weekend to Remember seminar.  I have to put what I learned to use. 

This weekend has changed the routine we’ve been for the last few months.  This past weekend was the first week without a NASCAR race.  Thanksgiving is over.  Christmas is coming soon.  There is work till Christmas, and into the new year.  The holiday business will be just as intense in the amount of guests we’ll have to feed and service, and then, when January comes around, the challenge will be managing the lower business to make a profit for the company.

It started from the time I walked out the restaurant early Monday morning after my shift ended.

I had an interesting conversation with one of the manager-in-training at our location.  I learned a lot about the culture here in the South, and how in general the southern white male views life in this area, and how they may view me.  It may cause a lot of times how I am misunderstood in the workplace.  I’m taking that information to heart and applying it to the stuff I need to change within me.

Growing up in Hawaii and Southern California hasn’t helped to be living where I am now because of the cultural and societal differences from one locale to the other.  The challenge for me is to be who I uniquely are, while working to fit into with the locals whose history is just as strong as or stronger than before I started my life’s story.  Culturally when I repeat myself in the any instruction, explanation and/or joke that I communicate to the Southern natives, it may be insulting their southern wit, identity and education.  I have to be more sensitive to where they are thinking and feeling.

I will be more aware of this new fact that I just come about for my marriage and how I handle myself and provide a legacy at work for the people, not the company.

“Weekend to Remember” worth the registration fee and time: What type of Legacy will you leave?

The registration fee of the “Weekend to Remember” workshop is something most couples can’t afford during these difficult financial times, but I truly believe that it was worth it to answer this question: what type of legacy will you leave?  There were about 600 attendees that decided to make a commitment to oneness in our God-centered marriage.  Even if you think that you’re not having any serious arguments, fist-fights, and yelling matches, I would still recommend many married couples attend this weekend conference.  It’s worth the time, and money.  I believe that it’s an investment for the spouses, family, and society are worth the sacrifice for a while.  There are too many broken families, and this workshop provides a blueprint of how we should interact with one another, what our roles are in a marriage—and our positive impact with our community and society.

Without giving too much of the conference, because I believe that it has to be experienced, listening to the speakers, being active in taking notes by filling in the blanks, completing the projects, (even one that I had to write a love letter in long-hand) to really get the full effect of the conference.  The only way that you’ll get the most out of workshop, is to be truly active in paying attention and searching our own hearts.  It’s worth the soul-searching and keeping on the schedule.  Every marriage is different and every married couple will get something different from the conference. When you leave the conference and face the real world, it’s the persistence of leaving a life’s legacy more important than just living for my own self-centered perspective will be tested, which I know, is more important for those around us.

Intense answers to Weekend to Remember questions … more than a flow-thru to the bottom line

This will be an interesting "Weekend to Remember."  It’s really an effort more than another action plan that I draw up at work.  It’s more than just another goal in the restaurant business.  This will be one of those projects that will be on-going, constantly changing, ever so more important than earning another dollar flow-thru to the bottom line.  The issues discussed will be priceless!

If there is time, I will post comments during this weekend.  If I don’t that would mean that I’m too intensely answering questions that runs deep within me.  I know that my Sunshine will interested in every answer that I give.  Maybe you can ask her what really went on in the conference.

More important plans this weekend than the “In Search of Colors” trip …

It’s been over a week since my Sunshine and I have returned back to our everyday life.  It’s been pretty intense getting back to work, back in the routine. I’m sure it will not be as intense as this weekend, when we will be attending a marriage conference/seminar that we’ll be together discovering four bullet points from the Weekend to Remember Web site. 

• God’s purpose for bringing us together.
• Our distinct roles as husband and wife.
• How to resolve conflict and fight fair.
• Secrets to putting sizzle in our married sex life.

It is my hope that it’ll help us to be the type of man and wife that God desires for us.

This is what the Web site says I need to focus on for the time:

• Listen carefully during the messages to the overall purpose and plan for marriage, even if you’re not sure you agree with a particular point at first. Many of the concepts and applications become clearer as the weekend progresses.
• Think about how you can apply the principles in your own life rather than what you think your spouse needs to learn.
• Complete the projects—they are crucial to the conference experience.
• Decide upon at least two or three action points by the end of the weekend that you and your spouse agree to apply in the next thirty days.

I can say that I’ll have my focus and commitment out for another one of my adventures with my Sunshine.  It’ll be a working during my personal time off from my day job.  This is obviously more important, no doubt.  I will keep you informed on what the weekend holds and challenges within me!