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Role of men in a marriage from C-O-U-P-L-E

I watched the DVD, Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs.  Then, I purchased the book, and the workbook from Amazon’s Kindle bookstore.  I am doing the workbook here and there to see what else I can apply personally one-on-one with my Sunshine.  I have already outlined from the male point of view what I mean by this C-O-U-P-L-E in a previous blog post.  This is what I am challenged to put into action.  In the letters representing the letters of C-O-U-P-L-E--Closeness, Openness, and Understanding--Understanding connects the two previous letters: "The husband is the Christ figure; the woman is the church figure. And as a church places its burden on Christ, a wife wants to place her burdens on her husband," according to what Emerson Eggerichs wrote. 

The basis of this statement was from Ephesians 5:25.  Men have an awesome calling according to our God.  I wish that more men would really understand the magnitude of what’s written.  I am considering what I need to do to live up to this.  I thought about two questions to ask myself:

• What actions must I take to demonstrate this particular thought that is Biblical?  I ask myself.  Do any men have any suggestions?

• When we, as men are trying to make amends to our wives, what works best to demonstrate to our wives that we are really sorry for hurting them?  Does anyone have any advice?

Knowing where to go and be, but not knowing how to get there!—but not alone...

For a while, I thought of where my life has been.  The life I’ve lead has not been what I imagined years ago.  I realize that, now, looking back years ago.  I realized that I haven’t lived up to what I have done for my life for all my life to be successful.  I realized that I haven’t been persistent to what have been true to my inner being.  I am presently trying to make right what mistakes I’ve made for years.  I am determined to do the Biblical way, not the world’s way.

I have started to take that inside-out measures I can to change my circumstances.  There comes a time when there isn't many options available as I consider them.  I am doing what I can right to this point.   I am at that point, and I’m asking for prayer as I have been doing to change my circumstances.  With an information discovered as I called it a night, it can cause me to wonder if there is a way that I can make things right, as I went to bed last night.

I was feeling a little down going to sleep last night.

However, I woke up to this Scripture to think about from the Bible: From Psalms 71:1-4:

^“^1 In you, LORD, I take refuge; let me never be put to shame. ^2 In your justice rescue and deliver me; listen to me and save me! ^3 Be my rock and refuge, my secure stronghold; for you are my rock and fortress. ^4 My God, rescue me from the power of the wicked, from the clutches of the violent.” 

This was the three bullets points I thought was the meaning of the video:

• Acknowledge that I don’t have the power to overcome the circumstances I am presently in.

• Actively invite God into my life to be my rock and safely.

• Knowing what is battling against me, and specifically prays against it. 

In the Scripture, it refers “the clutches of the violent.”  I’m not saying that my circumstances are violent.  Don’t want to have others overreact.  It’s just something that I need to deal with from an inside-out look at my lessons of my life.

Three weeks ago, I thought about these two questions: What can I learn while I am waiting? Or how will this kind of waiting make me stronger?  I have been really thinking about the answers to these questions.  It is something that is still developing in its storyline.  As it reaches more of a point of where I understand more of its meaning, I will give you context to what this all means.  I will give you all the update when I am able to do so.

As I continue to live out this 2010-2011 storyline that requires an intense inside-out look on what I need to do, not what I would like others to do for me.  This lesson will be an important one for the rest of my life.

If anyone has any input or comments about what I’m going through, please let me know.

Inside-out C.O.U.P.L.E. storyline of revealing the man I really am!

There has been many times in my life that I have sensed that I am at a crossroad.  There are times that I don’t understand why things happen as they do.  I am realizing that the storyline that has been working in the last year or so has been about revealing the man/individual who I am right now, the changes that I need to make to be the man I envisioned for so long, but haven’t acted upon the behaviors and/or performances needed to reach that vision.  Pray with me that I can listen to His word, and my heart, who listens to His Spirit.

I’ve enjoyed politics, and the dynamics of it.  Because of that, I realize that sometimes we can fall into the trap of doing stuff just because it sounds good, just like a politician.  I know that I have committed those standards in the past.  It’s been my stubborn nature that has been so dominant.

I realize that I’m writing this on April 1^st, April Fool’s Day.  Maybe it takes a day like this to realize what changes I need to make.   With all the behaviors in my life, I realize that it’s all about what I need to do, and what actions I have influence upon throughout my daily tasks needed to be accomplished, especially, at home.  Lately, the many hours at work haven’t helped, but it was necessary for the company.

I was offered to watch a video conference of the male/female differences by Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs.  I learned a lot of perspectives which I have not treated my Sunshine the way that shows that I am obedience and reverence to God.  There are so many changes in my behavior that needs to happen.  I need to live by the acronym, C.O.U.P.L.E..  

This is what the acronym stands for:

• CLOSENESS. When You Want to be with her FACE-TO-FACE. Genesis 2:24

• OPENNESS. When you aren't secretly MAD at her. Colossians 3:19

• UNDERSTANDING. When you EMPATHIZE with her. 1 Peter 3:7

• PEACEMAKING. When you RESOLVE/RECONCILE with her. Matthew 19:5-6; 1 Corinthians 7:3-4.

• LOYALTY. When you are completely COMMITTED to her.

• ESTEEM. When you TREASURE her above all else. 1 Peter 3:7

It’s not what she needs to do, but what I need to do.  Has anyone watched this video, or attended the conference in person?  I pray that I can make the changes needed, as I pray for more married couples do the same.  Let me say that if anyone wants to really know what kind of man you are—I am—just get married.  But in the long run, it’ll all be for the glory and honor of what it means to have that personal relationship with Christ.

The realization that I could have handled many circumstances differently …

Last night for our Wednesday evening Bible sermon, we covered the 1^st chapter of Colossians.  The following Scripture verses 9-12 “spoke” to me:

“^9 Therefore, from the day we heard this, we do not cease praying for you and asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding

^10 to live in a manner worthy of the Lord, so as to be fully pleasing, in every good work bearing fruit and growing in the knowledge of God,

^11 strengthened with every power, in accord with his glorious might, for all endurance and patience, with joy

^12 giving thanks to the Father, who has made you fit to share in the inheritance of the holy ones in light.”

The verses made me realize we always have to pray and know the character of God through the life of Jesus Christ.  We always have to trust in Him through the prompting of the Holy Spirit to do the “right” thing.  There will always be the struggle because of our natural nature, and the flesh and our rebellious nature that opposes living up to the word of God.

The verse along with many of the realizations lately personally in my life made a light bulb go off in my head how I have affected other people’s lives as a leader, and it might not have been in the most inspiring way.  If I could, I would have handled many circumstances differently, being more understanding, where I would have listened to employees more and not overreacted.  If you are reading this and you feel that you were one of these employees and/or co-workers, let me apologize for my behaviors.

There is no doubt that if I could re-live some of the situations in my past, I would do it differently.  But I have to look forward and in the future.  I will definitely take what I’ve learned from the past and, hopefully, don’t make the same mistake again.  This is what I believe will be the beginning of my fresh start.

Mirror of God’s image and a living picture of Jesus and His followers relationship

There wasn’t really any out of town trip scheduled on this vacation.  I just needed some rest and there was a lot to do around the apartment. 

I thought I would do some review on the marriage conference my Sunshine and I attended.

I attended the Weekend to Remember conference in November.  I re-read these two quotes from the Weekend to Remember workbook:

• God joined a man and a woman together so that together they would mirror His image.  … Their oneness reflects the character and unity of God (Matthew 19:4-6; John 17:22-23). … Their oneness is a living picture of this intimate relationship between Jesus Christ and His followers (Ephesians 5:22-23).

• When couples fail to grasp God’s perspective on difficulties and problems, the result is isolation.  In one bullet point about this subject, the conference pointed out that “Your response to difficulties will either drive you apart or bind you together.  This is what all married couple faces at one point of their marriage.

Then, during the first few days of my vacation, I completed reading the book, Staying Close, by Dennis Rainey.  The book reinforced the points of the Weekend to Remember conference.  I know that there are many areas that I need to respond and lead much more effectively as a husband.  What I read is a high standard to live and strive to fulfill.  But I realize that it’ll only be when I am walking in His Holy Spirit.

From reading the book, the challenge is to put what I learned into practical actions that demonstrate to my wife who she means in my life, the most important person in the world to me, and the true meaning of what marriage means to me is what I’m meditating on an hourly basis.  If anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

Glorify God, not me …

Something came to mind recently when I noticed the circumstances at work, with the gossip and the ill-conceived drama created by colleagues and employees who want to talk about what is going on instead of getting the job done, to have the discipline to get the job done in a timely fashion.  I have been praying a lot about getting rid of the gossip.  I have been praying for others to focus on the work at hand, serving the guests that come to enjoy meals in our environment, working together to make the job task easier for those who we work with on a daily and weekly basis, and unfortunately, earn profits for the business that we chose to work for, because it is not a non-profit organization.

A while ago, with all the people who proclaim that they are believers to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I will say that there is only one person who came up to me and emphasized with me about what I was going through and stated clearly that that person was praying for me.  I didn’t tell this other person that anything was bothering me, but she sensed it with the Holy Spirit that something was troubling me.  She has been praying for me, since.

As I thought about this believer at work as she ministered to me, even with her battles with her own health issues she’s dealt with working, I wonder constantly what others say about me, how I’ve ministered to them.  I hope that throughout my life, I pray that others will forgive me for not living up to their expectations in this regard, because the main mission is to glorify God, not me.

In the Bible: Ecclesiastes 9:17

Ecclesiastes 9:17 … The words of the wise heard in quietness are better than the shouting of a ruler among fools.

There are many times in the workforce that I would like to say something to the people around me because of their efforts to stir up drama and conflict.  I know it’s not the wisest career move.  That is why the Bible verse says a pointed message for me.  The stir the drama varies in its intensity, no doubt, from company to company, and location one to another, but it’s been there.  Being in middle management, it’s hard enough to get results in the job that is required.  The amount of time that workers spend in getting everyone else’s business is a waste of time instead of getting the job done in the first place.

I have said it to myself, and I have heard some of the hard-working team members have asked the question: why don’t others just do their job?  I can’t answer that.  Maybe someone can.  I know that I have to restrain myself not to say anything at all at times.

In the Bible: 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 Responses and thoughts … Today’s lesson

³For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh,

⁴for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.

⁵We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,

⁶and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete.

The warfare we face is not one that is only on the surface.  It is beneath the surface.  I have no doubt that this is the case.  I know there are times when I don’t understand why I do what I do, but I do them.  And I’m not talking about using this “spiritual warfare” as license to act upon what I would like, and then use it as an excuse to do it, or keep on doing it, because there is no doubt that we have a free will to give in or not.  The goal is to get every thought captive to the obedience of Christ!  What an easy command, but sooo difficult to do in the flesh!  That is why we need God and His Holy Spirit, to constantly abide in Him.

This is what the Bible lastly asks us, as believers, to put on in Ephesians 6:13-19.

¹³Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.

¹⁴Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS,

¹⁵and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE;

¹⁶in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

 ¹⁷And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 ¹⁸With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,

¹⁹and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel,

With the two passages there are no doubt that there is something that God through His word is saying that we could ever comprehend with our carnal minds.  There are two things that we need to use to protect ourselves with this spiritual warfare: God’s Word, with the use of our Bible, and our daily prayer life.  Reading the Bible, meditating on His word and prayer is truly the only thing that we can trust to get us through whatever circumstances we may be going through.  It’s opening a direct communication with the Creator of the Universe!  It’s accessing His unlimited power.  What else do we need?  

Ephesians 4:14-16 about Spiritual Maturity; God’s role and our role

I picked the Ephesians 4:14-16 verses because it was interesting.  So let’s look at the questions that it presented.  This is the conclusion that we received from the verse.

• What does this passage say about connection between appropriate communication and spiritual maturity?

            When we are matured in Christ, we know what issues to focus on because we are rooted in His word and His teachings about any given situation.  Still, until the day we die, we will not know everything that we ought to learn.

            We also need to know where we fit in the body of Christ.  When we discover our place, we have to communicate always in love, thinking how the other party will take the information.  The end in mind should be to build up the growth of the body of Christ in love.  In this circumstance, it’s the growth of the marriage and the husband and wife.

• What is God’s role in helping us overcome barriers to communication?  What is our role in overcoming those barriers?

            There’s two parts from what we decided is God’s role. 

God’s role is to work through His Holy Spirit the work that needs to be done in our spouse’s lives.  God through His Holy Spirit needs to give us, individually, discernment to know when to do something and the self-control maybe to say nothing at all!

Our role is to see and accept to change the activities and make sacrifices we must do on our part.

This is what we took away from reading the verse and answering the questions.  Do you read and interpret something differently?

A discussion about the Homebuilders series: Any thoughts you have? ... Help to learn

I thought as I read through studies of the Homebuilders series, if there is a question, a reaction, a lesson, that provokes me I thought that I would share it on this blog site.  I am hoping to start a dialogue among believers to help one other in dealing with similar circumstances, or maybe, to prompt them to consider how they can change to be more like our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I really hope that we could learn from one another, help each other in the body.

This is the study from Improving Communication in your Marriage.  Read Ephesians 4:14-16.  There are two provoking questions:

• What does this passage say about connection between appropriate communication and spiritual maturity?         
• What is God's role in helping us overcome barriers to communication?  What is our role in overcoming those barriers?

What are your answers to these questions?